Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The Next Few Weeks

The next few weeks went by rather slowly and extremely uneventful. The Friday before the possible D and C, I went through another ultrasound that confirmed yet again that my baby was gone. I was told it was needed because my hcG levels were still a little high and the wanted to make sure my baby was really gone. Looking back, this would be my first indication something beside a normal miscarriage was happening. Standing there listening as the nurse read off my levels from the last week, I recall hearing that they were in the 300,000 range. I didn't get an exact amount and I wasn't really worried about it as I didn't yet how much those numbers would impact the coming weeks of my life.

Over the weekend, my body never did miscarry and 20 days after learning we'd lost our baby, I was scheduled for a D and C that would take it out for me. During this time, a total of 2 more vials of blood were taken, with a third to be drawn that morning as we were scheduled to be at the hospital bright and early around 5 for all the needed prep. Being a Monday, I know getting back into the work week is always rough, yet while I laid in my pre-op bed, my doctor was at home drinking coffee with his family. I really liked my doctor, but this would be one in a few things that will have me looking for a new ob/gyn in the future. My surgery that was scheduled for 7 in the morning didn't end up happening until 2 to
2 1/2 hours later.

As I began to wake up, I felt tears gathering in the corner of my eyes and dripping down onto my pillow. The nurse taking care of me asked if I was in pain, which I wasn't and I told her so. "No, I just wanted my baby." With my eyes still shut, I felt the nurse pat my shoulder as she told me she was going to get my husband, who when walking in on me crying was worried something was wrong. It would be another 10 minutes until I became fully awake enough to eat a few crackers drink some juice, and realize that little shutter noise I heard was my husband taking pictures of me with his cell phone. During this time, my tears having come when all my defenses were down were now dried and being replaced by laughter. Eyes still shut, cracker in one hand, laying there so pale I matched the sheets on the bed, I was not at my photogenic best, and the pictures prove it.

Following the surgery, there wasn't as much pain as lethargy as I had lost in addition to the 8 vials of blood already taken another 1000ml during the procedure. My doctor told my husband that everything went well and that he'd thought he'd gotten everything. Before leaving the hospital, a check up was schedule for the following week.

I barely bleed the next two days but things changed as by the third day until 3 weeks to the day of the D and C, I would need to change my pad at least twice a day. A decent bit of blood loss already, followed by more, that make me real glad the liquid gold flowing through my veins reproduces itself daily.

As my check up appointment on Feb 6 rolled around, I was dealing fairly well with the fact that I had lost the baby. The small comforting thought that we could try again was always there. I just wouldn't know how much pain that one thought would bring until after my upcoming doctors visit.

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