It was a scary situation, but one we had planned for. . . I had started passing clots. The chance of an extreme hemorrhage, not far behind.
On Thursday, I had began to bleed slightly and continuing as usual, went about my business. I notified by chemo nurse Kelly and was told slight bleeding was fine, anything other than that was not. Everything was fine until Saturday, I had been cleaning house like crazy (a very big chore for me) trying to get ready by Sunday for Monday's surgery. I must have over done it, though I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, which did include, moving a few pieces of furniture around. Around 12:30 that afternoon, I felt something wasn't right and as I went into check, I was surprised to see I was passing a clot that as gross as it sounds resembled a bloody slug. It was approximately 1 inch by 5 inches and not a pretty sight. Knowing things could go bad quickly, I called Terry at work, told him I thought I was hemorrhaging and then called for the ambulance, as I felt more blood filling my pad.
Long story short, we made it to the ER and the bleeding while scary and unrelenting, wasn't life threatening, although an exam by the the on call attending for my doctor's group sent me to tears there was so much pain. Five hours later, I was put in the room I would stay in for the next few days. The plan was that they would monitor my blood levels, give me blood if needed, and continue with the surgery as planned on Monday. Luckily, I wouldn't need any blood and as God had His hand on me, my blood levels remained stable the entire time.
Sunday too was pretty eventful as that day was the day I had to prep for surgery. I'll skip all the gory details and leave you all with this. . . MAGNESIUM CITRATE . . . should be outlawed, it ranks right up there with the CT scan Contrast. Totally nasty. Yuuuuuck!!!!!!
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Set The Date
After meeting with the doctor yesterday, who once again confirmed my numbers had risen slightly from 6390 to 7022, we went ahead and set the date for the hysterectomy. It'll take place at UAB, Monday, May 12, 2008 around 8 in the morning. Because of the tumor like condition of the cancer and the fact that cancer cell fluid may be present in the tumor, the doctor will preform the hysterectomy by hand instead of by laparoscope which will enable him to make sure the tumor doesn't break or leak into my blood stream. Due to the type of incision needed, I be in the hospital roughly until Thursday afternoon. The hysterectomy is only scheduled to be a partial, unless my ovaries don't look so hot. If it happens that I need a full then I'll be started on hormone replacement right away. Terry is very thankful for this!
The next few posts will be once again few and far between as the healing process will take some time. I'll receive a few more chemo treatments in approximately 2-4 weeks and after that, I should be cancer free. I'll continue to have my levels checked for an entire year and every year when I have my yearly to keep an eye on my hcG levels. I'll be sure to keep you posted.
Thank you to all of you who have been reading through this tough time with me. I never would have made it through without the best church family in the entire world, a loving family, and truly remarkable friends. Here's to God's Will, coming to understand it, and embracing it.
Many blessings, love to all, and I'll write to you soon.
The next few posts will be once again few and far between as the healing process will take some time. I'll receive a few more chemo treatments in approximately 2-4 weeks and after that, I should be cancer free. I'll continue to have my levels checked for an entire year and every year when I have my yearly to keep an eye on my hcG levels. I'll be sure to keep you posted.
Thank you to all of you who have been reading through this tough time with me. I never would have made it through without the best church family in the entire world, a loving family, and truly remarkable friends. Here's to God's Will, coming to understand it, and embracing it.
Many blessings, love to all, and I'll write to you soon.
Saturday, May 3, 2008
What's Been Happening
There's been a lot going on these past few days and I haven't' had the chance to post anything. Here's what's been happening. We changed to IV treatments on April 15 and it's a good thing, my numbers had increased from 2909 to 4285 and the drawing the following week also showed an increase from 4285 to 6390. I've had to decide between taking an more intensive round of chemo that will require hospitalization or a hysterectomy. Terry and I decided the hysterectomy would be best for me and our family. With a disease that could regrow up to 3 years later, it will bring peace of mind knowing the "host" of the disease is gone and I won't have to worry in the future. A hysterectomy is a huge step, but one I believe God wants me to take. Like I posted earlier, I still believe that if God chooses to put a child in our life for us to bring into our family He will. Despite the fact I may not be able to carry another child in my body, there are other ways to add to our family if it's God's will. If not, we'll do our best to raise the ones we have right and give them everything we can.
Due to the second increase in numbers, it was important to rule out an metastasises and on Thursday, May 1 I underwent a CT scan of my brain, chest, abdomen, and pelvis. Friday I got the all clear, the cancer has not spread beyond my abnormal uterus. The results from these tests were the answers to many prayers and I want to thank anyone and everyone who may have thought about me during this time and murmured a few words that were sent directly from your lips to Gods ears. Our God is truly wonderful and even if the results had come back far more different, I would still praise our God, all it would mean was that I had more to experience in my walk with Him so that I could be able to help others in a better way.
I want to give a big thank you to a few special women from my church family who took the time to come and give me a manicure and pedicure that made me feel loved and pampered. I had been looking forward to it all week and it didn't disappoint. I hope that one day I'll be able to return the blessing for someone else in need. It was truly the work of God that brought those women to my house Friday. I was able to share my joy at the results from my scan, but I know that had the results been different, those ladies would have been there to cry with me and to cheer me up as only the bond of Christian sisterhood can.
I've got another weekly blood draw this Monday and I see my doctor Tuesday just before my second treatment. I'm hoping to set a date for my hysterectomy and take another step closer to being able to say I am cancer free.
Due to the second increase in numbers, it was important to rule out an metastasises and on Thursday, May 1 I underwent a CT scan of my brain, chest, abdomen, and pelvis. Friday I got the all clear, the cancer has not spread beyond my abnormal uterus. The results from these tests were the answers to many prayers and I want to thank anyone and everyone who may have thought about me during this time and murmured a few words that were sent directly from your lips to Gods ears. Our God is truly wonderful and even if the results had come back far more different, I would still praise our God, all it would mean was that I had more to experience in my walk with Him so that I could be able to help others in a better way.
I want to give a big thank you to a few special women from my church family who took the time to come and give me a manicure and pedicure that made me feel loved and pampered. I had been looking forward to it all week and it didn't disappoint. I hope that one day I'll be able to return the blessing for someone else in need. It was truly the work of God that brought those women to my house Friday. I was able to share my joy at the results from my scan, but I know that had the results been different, those ladies would have been there to cry with me and to cheer me up as only the bond of Christian sisterhood can.
I've got another weekly blood draw this Monday and I see my doctor Tuesday just before my second treatment. I'm hoping to set a date for my hysterectomy and take another step closer to being able to say I am cancer free.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Our God Is Awesome
God has been speaking to me this morning and yesterday and I need to take this time to share with you the wonders of our Lord and Saviour. This is a copy of the email I sent out to church family and friends just minutes ago.
I just wanted to take a few minutes and encourage everyone today and tell you, NEVER doubt the way God works, He is all powerful, all inspiring, and way cool. Yesterday and today I've been can tell you with 100% filled to bursting faith that our God is a force to be reckoned with. I don't know the results yet from my latest blood work, but I can tell you the results from my last prayer request. With just a few words spoken to our Lord for me by family and friends, God showed up and showed out by giving me comfort, peace, and total understanding with my decision to have a hysterectomy. I felt God yesterday in a way that I'd I hadn't felt in a few weeks. The devil throw in a little doubt and it was squashed like a bug yesterday.
Please don't give up on your faith if things don't go your way, remember that God's way although hard to understand is the best way.
Many blessings on this wonderful day,
Angela
Every bit of what I wrote is true. Yesterday as I was typing the blog post, God spoke to me and gave me idea I typed yesterday, He gave me total, 100% complete, understanding, comfort, peace, and hope that He is leading me down the best path for me and my family. I have been able to view my impending hysterectomy with new eyes and an open heart and to be honest, I kind of looking forward to it now. When I see the doctor a week from tomorrow, I be setting up the hysterectomy for the second week of June and if everything goes as planned, I'll only need a total of 4 more treatments. And if everything doesn't go as planned, well we'll just go with the flow. God is the one running this show. Ahha, that rhymed!!!! Somewhat!
I am able to tell you know that with a happy heart and soul, I'm going to be fine, everything is going to work out. I'm making plans to build a new house, to see my son start kindergarten this August, and to see my half sister when she arrives around the same time. I may never have a child, I may never adopt, but I will certainly have a new baby to spoil in ways I can't spoil my own and I'm looking forward to every minute of it. There's something to be said for a 25 year age difference and NONE of it is bad!!!
Like I said earlier, many blessings on this dreary, rainy, but wonderfully beautiful day.
I just wanted to take a few minutes and encourage everyone today and tell you, NEVER doubt the way God works, He is all powerful, all inspiring, and way cool. Yesterday and today I've been can tell you with 100% filled to bursting faith that our God is a force to be reckoned with. I don't know the results yet from my latest blood work, but I can tell you the results from my last prayer request. With just a few words spoken to our Lord for me by family and friends, God showed up and showed out by giving me comfort, peace, and total understanding with my decision to have a hysterectomy. I felt God yesterday in a way that I'd I hadn't felt in a few weeks. The devil throw in a little doubt and it was squashed like a bug yesterday.
Please don't give up on your faith if things don't go your way, remember that God's way although hard to understand is the best way.
Many blessings on this wonderful day,
Angela
Every bit of what I wrote is true. Yesterday as I was typing the blog post, God spoke to me and gave me idea I typed yesterday, He gave me total, 100% complete, understanding, comfort, peace, and hope that He is leading me down the best path for me and my family. I have been able to view my impending hysterectomy with new eyes and an open heart and to be honest, I kind of looking forward to it now. When I see the doctor a week from tomorrow, I be setting up the hysterectomy for the second week of June and if everything goes as planned, I'll only need a total of 4 more treatments. And if everything doesn't go as planned, well we'll just go with the flow. God is the one running this show. Ahha, that rhymed!!!! Somewhat!
I am able to tell you know that with a happy heart and soul, I'm going to be fine, everything is going to work out. I'm making plans to build a new house, to see my son start kindergarten this August, and to see my half sister when she arrives around the same time. I may never have a child, I may never adopt, but I will certainly have a new baby to spoil in ways I can't spoil my own and I'm looking forward to every minute of it. There's something to be said for a 25 year age difference and NONE of it is bad!!!
Like I said earlier, many blessings on this dreary, rainy, but wonderfully beautiful day.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
FYI
For those of you who like me where thrown for a loop this past week while reading my blog and are now considering yourself spelling challenged, I've found the answer we've been looking for. Thanks to a dear loving friend, I was laughingly informed that the spittle pooling onto my pillow the other night is spelled d-r-o-o-l. Aaaahhhh, let's all take a moment and slap our selves in the head while saying "DUH!" out loud!!!
"DUH!" (slap). For those of you not participating, don't judge us, you just happen to have a better spell checker than we do!!
Spelling challenge conquered, let's move on. Just hours after writing my blog the other day- here's a God moment- the doctor called to see how I was doing and during the course of the call we discussed our options if this new treatment doesn't work. I was given two choices -1- a hysterectomy that will be followed by a few more chemo treatments, or -2- more intensive chemo that will result in a hospital stay, that will most assuredly make me bald and beautiful and sick as a tee total dog. Not quite and easy choice, but knowing that sometimes the best decision is the hardest, Terry and I have opted for the hysterectomy. It took me a couple bouts of crying and a little time to come to a complete understanding and acceptance that I may never give birth to another child again. During this time, I receive a wonderful piece of advice from my new friend who sent me my cherished pin, she wrote, Angela don't forget God is a miracle worker and he can drop your levels to 5 with one treatment if it's in His plan. So true, God can do whatever He wants and if it's in His plan to cure me without surgery, He'll do it, I have no doubt about it. Yet, that intuition that hasn't been wrong yet through this whole thing is telling me that I'll be undergoing a hysterectomy within the next month or so.
But I've also come to the realization that I'm not looking at the reason for my hysterectomy the right way. I wrote earlier that I wish it didn't have to end like this- with a miscarriage as the last thing my uterus did. I realize that thinking that way is wrong, the last thing my uterus did was to hold the baby that I wanted so bad in a way my arms couldn't. It was the only part of my body that was physically in contact with my baby and how powerful is that. I now look at the possibility of the impending hysterectomy with a new set of eyes, how thankful I am to have it removed, not only to keep me alive, but to keep my sanity alive. What if after going through chemo, I could never conceive again? Or what if I could conceive but never carry to term? Or heaven forbid, I deliver a baby that would never draw breath, would die days or months or years later? How much pain and suffering both physical and mental is going to be avoided by a simple procedure that's preformed everyday. When you look at all the what-ifs that could be lingering in the future caused by a wrong choice, how can you not embrace the hardest most selfish choice possible? Because that's what it is to me, a selfish choice- I really want more babies, I loved everything about being pregnant, I loved breast feeding, and holding that little body close to mine, but what amount of selfishness on my part puts the future of my family in the air for something God's already blessed my with twice. Looking at it this way, this is one of the most selfless acts, I will be able to do for my family, but at the same time selfish in itself because I know I want to be here to do what God has planned for me to do on this Earth, and to one day hold the children my children will bear. And if God has it planned to throw in a little bundle of joy along the way, well, that will just be icing on the very sweet cake we call . . . LIFE.
"DUH!" (slap). For those of you not participating, don't judge us, you just happen to have a better spell checker than we do!!
Spelling challenge conquered, let's move on. Just hours after writing my blog the other day- here's a God moment- the doctor called to see how I was doing and during the course of the call we discussed our options if this new treatment doesn't work. I was given two choices -1- a hysterectomy that will be followed by a few more chemo treatments, or -2- more intensive chemo that will result in a hospital stay, that will most assuredly make me bald and beautiful and sick as a tee total dog. Not quite and easy choice, but knowing that sometimes the best decision is the hardest, Terry and I have opted for the hysterectomy. It took me a couple bouts of crying and a little time to come to a complete understanding and acceptance that I may never give birth to another child again. During this time, I receive a wonderful piece of advice from my new friend who sent me my cherished pin, she wrote, Angela don't forget God is a miracle worker and he can drop your levels to 5 with one treatment if it's in His plan. So true, God can do whatever He wants and if it's in His plan to cure me without surgery, He'll do it, I have no doubt about it. Yet, that intuition that hasn't been wrong yet through this whole thing is telling me that I'll be undergoing a hysterectomy within the next month or so.
But I've also come to the realization that I'm not looking at the reason for my hysterectomy the right way. I wrote earlier that I wish it didn't have to end like this- with a miscarriage as the last thing my uterus did. I realize that thinking that way is wrong, the last thing my uterus did was to hold the baby that I wanted so bad in a way my arms couldn't. It was the only part of my body that was physically in contact with my baby and how powerful is that. I now look at the possibility of the impending hysterectomy with a new set of eyes, how thankful I am to have it removed, not only to keep me alive, but to keep my sanity alive. What if after going through chemo, I could never conceive again? Or what if I could conceive but never carry to term? Or heaven forbid, I deliver a baby that would never draw breath, would die days or months or years later? How much pain and suffering both physical and mental is going to be avoided by a simple procedure that's preformed everyday. When you look at all the what-ifs that could be lingering in the future caused by a wrong choice, how can you not embrace the hardest most selfish choice possible? Because that's what it is to me, a selfish choice- I really want more babies, I loved everything about being pregnant, I loved breast feeding, and holding that little body close to mine, but what amount of selfishness on my part puts the future of my family in the air for something God's already blessed my with twice. Looking at it this way, this is one of the most selfless acts, I will be able to do for my family, but at the same time selfish in itself because I know I want to be here to do what God has planned for me to do on this Earth, and to one day hold the children my children will bear. And if God has it planned to throw in a little bundle of joy along the way, well, that will just be icing on the very sweet cake we call . . . LIFE.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
A Good Decision
When I got the call from my nurse relaying my current blood levels, I was relieved to know that I'd made the right decision to go ahead and start the new treatment. My levels had gone up from 2909 to 4285. Not a huge jump, but not something good either. Thinking back on the call from the nurse, I wasn't as emotional as I'd imaged I would have been when I got the call. For the past few weeks, it had been on my mind, what would I do if my levels went up.
When it finally happened, because in a way I guess I knew it would, I was at peace with it. Like it was just another step on the road and it was okay. I'm pretty sure Jesus was hugging me then, wrapping me in His comfort, since that's exactly how I felt, comforted. I haven't yet had any bad side effects from my treatment, except I slept a lot yesterday with an nap thrown in and a close to 12 hour sleep session last night. I haven't needed any nausea medicine today and I'm not feeling quite so tired.
Even with the comfort being there, it's just going to be a long wait until next weeks blood draws and results. Because there lingering in the back of my mind is the next step in the road. If this medicine doesn't work, the option of a partial hysterectomy increases drastically. I have to give up the hope of future children, coming from my body at least, and with that an end to certain dreams. And it's with bittersweet longing that I wonder what indeed the future has in store for me as a mother and as a woman.
When it finally happened, because in a way I guess I knew it would, I was at peace with it. Like it was just another step on the road and it was okay. I'm pretty sure Jesus was hugging me then, wrapping me in His comfort, since that's exactly how I felt, comforted. I haven't yet had any bad side effects from my treatment, except I slept a lot yesterday with an nap thrown in and a close to 12 hour sleep session last night. I haven't needed any nausea medicine today and I'm not feeling quite so tired.
Even with the comfort being there, it's just going to be a long wait until next weeks blood draws and results. Because there lingering in the back of my mind is the next step in the road. If this medicine doesn't work, the option of a partial hysterectomy increases drastically. I have to give up the hope of future children, coming from my body at least, and with that an end to certain dreams. And it's with bittersweet longing that I wonder what indeed the future has in store for me as a mother and as a woman.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Actinomycin-D IV Treatments
Okay, I know what some of you may be thinking after reading my last posting, girl can't spell worth a lick. That's right, I spelled the name of my new treatment wrong. Sorry!!! Spell check didn't have a clue either and that's my story and I'm sticking to it!!!!
After checking my schedule (I'm a very busy person . . . yeah right!) I decided that I didn't want to wait a week to start the new treatment and as of 4:15 yesterday afternoon, I am now under going a once every two week treatment of IV injected Actinomycin-D. During the course of treatment that lasted between 45-60 minutes from start to finish, I was given an anti-nausea medicine and steroids. Due to the steroids, I've been awake since 4:30 after sleeping really well last night despite the constant drewll I kept rolling over in. Did I spell drewll right, spell check has not idea!! Or is it druell, I have no clue. Let's call it a small pools of spittle for safeties sake. Added to the nighttime puddles, I'm sure small fish could survive in, my allergies have become 10 times worse since starting chemo, with a few small but annoying nose bleeds thrown into the mix for some added fun and at times, a seeming constant drip of nasal products and what I'm sure it world record setting sneezes. If I'm going to suffer, so are you!!!!
But on the bright side I went ahead and took a nausea pill this morning to get ahead of any up coming relationship that may be in store for me and the porcelain bowl better known as the toilet!!
On a scale of 1-10, I'd rate my overall feeling around a 7, my eyes seem more sensitive to bright lights and am currently wearing sunglass at 10 till 7 in the morning as I type this. I've also expericing a low grade, high level annoying headache that's been coming and going since before I went to sleep and since I've been awake. Strangly enough, the glasses seem to help a smidgen' with this. The eye bones connected to the head bone, come on, you know you want to sing along.
I did learn something interesting yesterday, that along with myself, there are 2 other patients with GTD being treatment by the same group I am. One lady needed to have a hysterectomy after treatments failed to bring her to the "0" range and from what I understand she is now in remission. Another lady started her Actinomycin the Friday prior to my Tuesday because her Methotrexate didn't work either. According to the nurse, who NEVER named names or violated patient confidentiality in any way, they treated 8 , yes 8 patients last year alone for GTD!!!!! Seems to me like this cancer is more prevalent than we're being led to believe and I want to encourage our scientist to learn more and to gather more data updating the statistics surrounding this heartless disease.
Here's to more research and less upchucking . . . sorry TMI!!! Can't help myself. ;)
After checking my schedule (I'm a very busy person . . . yeah right!) I decided that I didn't want to wait a week to start the new treatment and as of 4:15 yesterday afternoon, I am now under going a once every two week treatment of IV injected Actinomycin-D. During the course of treatment that lasted between 45-60 minutes from start to finish, I was given an anti-nausea medicine and steroids. Due to the steroids, I've been awake since 4:30 after sleeping really well last night despite the constant drewll I kept rolling over in. Did I spell drewll right, spell check has not idea!! Or is it druell, I have no clue. Let's call it a small pools of spittle for safeties sake. Added to the nighttime puddles, I'm sure small fish could survive in, my allergies have become 10 times worse since starting chemo, with a few small but annoying nose bleeds thrown into the mix for some added fun and at times, a seeming constant drip of nasal products and what I'm sure it world record setting sneezes. If I'm going to suffer, so are you!!!!
But on the bright side I went ahead and took a nausea pill this morning to get ahead of any up coming relationship that may be in store for me and the porcelain bowl better known as the toilet!!
On a scale of 1-10, I'd rate my overall feeling around a 7, my eyes seem more sensitive to bright lights and am currently wearing sunglass at 10 till 7 in the morning as I type this. I've also expericing a low grade, high level annoying headache that's been coming and going since before I went to sleep and since I've been awake. Strangly enough, the glasses seem to help a smidgen' with this. The eye bones connected to the head bone, come on, you know you want to sing along.
I did learn something interesting yesterday, that along with myself, there are 2 other patients with GTD being treatment by the same group I am. One lady needed to have a hysterectomy after treatments failed to bring her to the "0" range and from what I understand she is now in remission. Another lady started her Actinomycin the Friday prior to my Tuesday because her Methotrexate didn't work either. According to the nurse, who NEVER named names or violated patient confidentiality in any way, they treated 8 , yes 8 patients last year alone for GTD!!!!! Seems to me like this cancer is more prevalent than we're being led to believe and I want to encourage our scientist to learn more and to gather more data updating the statistics surrounding this heartless disease.
Here's to more research and less upchucking . . . sorry TMI!!! Can't help myself. ;)
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